Now for Something Completely Trademarked or Solo Album

Sitting on the couch with an empty plate that once held delicious Mazzio's Pizza.

One half full can of Ski.

One Noisy Dog that doesn't realize she weighs close to one hundred pounds has made her bed across my Hobbit like feet.

Underworld: Evolution is in the DvD player.  Yes, its a DvD because I am broke so take your Blu-Ray nonsense and go bother some other brother.

I aspire to have one by Christmas but lets continue.

Not sure why I put this in but meh, its in and I'm writing so all is well.

Danielle is asleep.  I believe the Dozer is as well.

Just Me, Lucy and Kate Beckinsale.

I am getting surgery tomorrow.  It is not dreadful.  It is Wisdom Teeth removal.

I can only assume I will come out of this slightly dimmer like when you replace a 60 watt bulb with a 45.

Also, I believe there will be painkillers.

As I watch this movie, telling myself that once I finish typing this I will change it to something more tolerable (28 Days Later sounds good) I have begun to imagine how this procedure will go tomorrow.  I will now lay it out for you, Dear Friends, in my own special way.  Lets begin.

10:00am - Danielle drops me off at the Dentist because she thinks that I will be unable to drive myself home.  I feel otherwise but because I am smarter than the average married man I silently agree and shuffle inside.  Book in hand because my appointment isn't until 11:00am.

*This Movie is not good.  This dog is drooling on my feet.*

11:00am - I am taken in and strapped down.  Curious.  The doctor comes in, all smiles as usual, and briefs me as to what is about to transpire.  I am wary.  He leaves.

11:15am - He returns with two nurses and begins to set-up his equipment.  He preps a needle and reaches for my arm, telling me that he has decided it be best for me to not be awake for this after all.  I am hesitant.  He is a professional.  I give him access to my vein.

11:20am - I am asleep.

*Scott Speedman is a terrible actor.  I mean, really.*

12:00pm - I am awakened by strange noise.  My eyes are hazy.  The nurses move to calm me.  They appear to be Dinosaurs.  Upon further inspection, yes, they are Dinosaurs.  I am confused.

12:10pm - The Doctor re-appears.  I am still restrained.  I am not happy.  Why are there Dinosaurs working on my teeth?  Did I miss an article in Mens Health somewhere along the line?  I try to ask questions to no avail.  My mouth is incredibly numb.  Probably a good thing.  Also, it smells of Strawberries in this office.

*Killed a Spider.  God, I hate Spiders*

12:15pm - Doctor begins to speak to me in a strange voice.  My eyes are clear enough now to see that he is not a Doctor but a Jester.  I feel that a credential check may have been in order.  Sadly, too late now.  More confused by the minute.

12:30pm - Evil villain soliloquies commences.  Something about bloodlines and a revolution.  My mouth hurts.  I am no savior, merely a dental patient.  He must be confused.  I listen.  After a time, I decide he must be stopped.  But how?  Ah, an idea.

*How awkward it must have been for the director of this movie to film a sex scene with his ex-wife and Scott Speedman.  It's awkward enough for me.  Because I don't like Scott Speedman.  Also, COOKIE BREAK

12:45pm  - Finally done talking.  Ok Mister Jester Man and your Velociraptor assistants, prepare to feel the rage of me with some friggin' Wolverine claws.  Bet you never saw that coming did you dummies?

12:46pm - Chaos ensues.  All hell, yes, its broken loose up in here.

1:00pm - I walk out of the office covered in green dinosaur blood with a bag full of stolen, no, liberated dental hygiene products and wait for my ride.  My mouth still hurts.  I will have to find a new dentist.  What a strange day.

*Why are they making a Fourth Underworld film?  Is that a strange dream of mine too?  If so, it will probably be terrible.*

I'm sure the real thing will be much less interesting and much more painful.

Leon: The Professional is going in the DvD Player.

I love Gary Oldman.  He is a chameleon.

Goodnight Moon.