"And STAY OUT!"
The Saloon doors flew apart as the body of a whiskey soaked moron finished its flight and landed on the dirt street outside.
"Ugh, what I wouldn't give fer some respectable clientele 'round here" said a sweet voice.
The voice matched up to a sweet woman, thankfully, sweet but able to hold her own in a scuffle. She ran her saloon with an iron apron. Her name? Miss Danny. The Place? The Thornless Rose Saloon.
The place was nicer than most really. It was dirty, sure, but what joint wasn't?
Ten round tables in the main hall for card playin' and booze swillin' with a modest bar was what you saw when you walked in. A staircase that led both up and down as well. The decor was sparse but nice. She would make sure that each table had a vase with fresh picked red roses from out back. Now, while the usual riffraff may not appreciate the flowers then served to make the Lady feel better about her day and in reality, that what really mattered. If she wasn't happy wasn't no one happy.
Six of the tables were occupied this evening. Only one was full. There was a poker game of sorts happening and in this small town, that was good enough entertainment for the night. Buffalo Joe was sittin' on a nice stack of cash. Kansas Kenny wasn't too far behind. Mississippi Mike was mostly just a drunk but he had some scratch left to burn. Nevada Nick was on his last leg and you could see on the mans face, beyond the beads of sweat, that this was not how he planned for his night to go. The last player at the table sat quietly, tapping her coins on the table. Her hat covered her face but you could still make out the blonde curls underneath. Embroidered on her jacket was a small Snowman.
Her name?
Emmy Two-Times.
Her game? Being cute and winning at cards.
The game had already been going on for hours and tensions were high. Buffalo was cheatin' and everyone knew it bout couldn't prove it. Hands had reached for gunbelts on multiple occasion but no iron was ever skinned. The whiskey, if you could call it that, was flowin' freely. Two-Times drank her usual, Apple Juice on the Rocks.
It kept her Level.
As the night progressed the players dropped out. It was never graceful. Mike went out before Nick, surprisingly, but didn't leave the bar. He just slid drunkenly to the floor and lay there, passed out and dead to the world. Nick was taken out by a bad bluff and a cold-hearted Kenny. Kenny in turn lost his winnings to Two-Times.
Buffalo and Two-Times sat in silence, trying to find each others weakness.
The hands fell in turn. No one gained any ground.
Stalemate.
Mexican Stand Off.
"Next Hand takes the Haul" spat Buffalo through tobacco stained teeth.
A silent nod from Two-Times.
"Yer Deal" said Joe.
Emmy dealt the cards. Three and Two.
The stakes were high. Buffalo was not one to lose. The man didn't have what one would call and even temper. Two-Times stared the man down, silent but with a slight smirk. It was said that she got that from her father. Her smarts from her mother. That smirk would get right under your skin, make you feel like you were done. She had you at that point.
Was it a Bluff?
Only she knew.
Joe laid his hand. Four Jacks Ace High.
She was beat and she knew it.
She laid her cards face down and stood up. She tipped her hat to the man.
He spat Tobacco on her Boots.
She scoffed. Reached for her Apple Juice and threw it right in his face.
There was much giggling.
He stood, outraged and reached for his holster. As he reached, a slew of cards fell from his sleeve.
"Dirty Cheat!" shouted Mike from the floor. The splash of the juice had woken him, if only momentarily from his drunken slumber.
Buffalo turned to run, slipped on his own tobacco spit and fell face first to the floor.
Mississippi hoisted him by his own gunbelt and threw him out the batwing doors of the saloon into the street.
"Don' you be comin' back here no more yeh dirty cheatin' sum' buck!".
He walked over to Emmy and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"Go tell yer Momma to get us some fresh drinks, kiddo."
"Ok Daddy".
They smirked at each other and walked to the bar.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Ninja Academy or Mandatory CherryBlossoms
All is silent.
Nothing Stirs.
Even the Cherry Blossoms are unmoving.
Suddenly, as thought lightning has taken corporeal form...
A Flash...
A small child, gifted in the art of stealth, glides across the landscape towards a large wooden door.
The door?
Clearly, tis the Entrance to M's Ninja academy.
Day One -
Stealth Training.
Instructor - The Father of Silent Awesomeness
"Young Ninja of the Land on High, You have been accepted into the prestigious yet secret Ninja Academy. Congratulations. You may ask,how can it be secret and prestigious at the same time? My answer is this, Shuddup. Now, I understand that your dream is to become a ninja of the Mighty Case Clan. I assure you that this is no small feat. You must gain the approval of two key members of said clan. One being myself and the other my counterpart. The Multi-Talented Mother of Ninja Toddlers, Lady D."
The Young Ninja Hopeful stares up at the Master, silent yet mischievous.
There is a fire in those eyes, a fire that will cause the world to say "Awww...how cute"...
"Today is your first day little one. Today is the first day of what will possibly be a cute little adventure story that will possibly break down the fourth wall on occasion and cause a little joy in the lives of anyone that reads of your greatness. Wait...uhm....Scratch that fourth wall nonsense...just forget it...ugh..."
*The Master proceeds to drop a smoke bomb in an attempt to get away...as the smoke clears he is still standing there, eating a Hostess Fruit Pie. What Flavor? It appears to be Apple.*
"Ahem, today we will begin with a lesson in enemy detection. I will vanish from room to room and you must find me without me finding you first. If you fail and I get to you first, the punishment will be most severe. Are you ready, Ninja Toddler?"
A silent head nod is given.
"Begin!"
*The Awesome One vanishes in a cloud of smoke. The young Ninjaette begins to give chase. From room to room she stalks silently, sadly however, no sign of her master can be found. As she enters the final room for inspection a sense of dread overtakes her...he must be in here. She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly and silently enters the room. Suddenly, the door slams behind her and there stands her master, scowling like a demon from below.*
"Lesson One is over Child! You have FAILED! Always check behind doors! Now, your punishment!"
The child falls to the ground in a fit of laughter as the ticklefight has begun!
Nothing Stirs.
Even the Cherry Blossoms are unmoving.
Suddenly, as thought lightning has taken corporeal form...
A Flash...
A small child, gifted in the art of stealth, glides across the landscape towards a large wooden door.
The door?
Clearly, tis the Entrance to M's Ninja academy.
Day One -
Stealth Training.
Instructor - The Father of Silent Awesomeness
"Young Ninja of the Land on High, You have been accepted into the prestigious yet secret Ninja Academy. Congratulations. You may ask,how can it be secret and prestigious at the same time? My answer is this, Shuddup. Now, I understand that your dream is to become a ninja of the Mighty Case Clan. I assure you that this is no small feat. You must gain the approval of two key members of said clan. One being myself and the other my counterpart. The Multi-Talented Mother of Ninja Toddlers, Lady D."
The Young Ninja Hopeful stares up at the Master, silent yet mischievous.
There is a fire in those eyes, a fire that will cause the world to say "Awww...how cute"...
"Today is your first day little one. Today is the first day of what will possibly be a cute little adventure story that will possibly break down the fourth wall on occasion and cause a little joy in the lives of anyone that reads of your greatness. Wait...uhm....Scratch that fourth wall nonsense...just forget it...ugh..."
*The Master proceeds to drop a smoke bomb in an attempt to get away...as the smoke clears he is still standing there, eating a Hostess Fruit Pie. What Flavor? It appears to be Apple.*
"Ahem, today we will begin with a lesson in enemy detection. I will vanish from room to room and you must find me without me finding you first. If you fail and I get to you first, the punishment will be most severe. Are you ready, Ninja Toddler?"
A silent head nod is given.
"Begin!"
*The Awesome One vanishes in a cloud of smoke. The young Ninjaette begins to give chase. From room to room she stalks silently, sadly however, no sign of her master can be found. As she enters the final room for inspection a sense of dread overtakes her...he must be in here. She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly and silently enters the room. Suddenly, the door slams behind her and there stands her master, scowling like a demon from below.*
"Lesson One is over Child! You have FAILED! Always check behind doors! Now, your punishment!"
The child falls to the ground in a fit of laughter as the ticklefight has begun!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
EmmyNaut: Judgement Day or Blankie Fort Memorial
Pieced together from testimonials by those that lived:
September 20, 2011
A wonderful day, truly it was. The fine folks at Blanket & Chair Forts Limited were sponsoring the annual DismalWeatherSoWeStayInside Day event at the Olive St. Park. There was a Cheerio Buffet and Apple Juice for all. Beauty and the Beast were on stage beckoning us to be their guests. They even had a Caged LucyFur for the children to see, brought straight from the Bavarian wilds. The best part is that it was free!
But not free of destruction...
The Event Bells Rang at 10am, as was planned and the Giant Kitchen Chairs were placed in four Strategic Locations. A surprise fifth chair, a small wooden rocker, was also brought in to the applause of the crowd. After the chairs were secured, the Blankie was unloaded from the back of a large trailer. This year it was Green with White Patches.
Marvelous.
The draping of the Blankie was quick enough and when finished, it covered the whole of the landscape. All in attendance were shaded by its majesty. A peaceful occasion to say the least.
Somewhere in the crowd a comment was made.
"The Blankie, it shakes...Look!"
Sure enough, the Blankie was indeed shaking.
As was the ground...But Why?
The Answer came quickly enough...the shadow of destruction slowly came into view...The EmmyNaut had returned...
The Scion of Chaos, the Beast from the Mid-West, the Terror that Giggles.
She has many Names:
The EmmyDozer
SnoopAloop
Scoobatron 5000
EmmyHontas
She stood, tall and terrifying...Her Pink Glow in the Dark Skeleton PJ's stained with the remains of her Breakfast. A deep breath and a bellowing "ROAR" were enough to shock the scared townsfolk back into reality..
They fled as she charged...
Straight through. Without Stopping.
The Blankie was down, as were the chairs.
All that could be heard was the taunt of the Beast - "I'm Unstoppable!" she yelled!
Attempts were made to raise the chairs and rebuild the fort but they were thwarted each and every time...
After freeing the LucyFur and then turning her into a Makeshift Mount the beast bounded away yelling "Ponies!".
Reports have come in stating that she now sits on a couch, holding a play Microphone while pondering her next act of senseless violence...and watching Pocahontas...
September 20, 2011
A wonderful day, truly it was. The fine folks at Blanket & Chair Forts Limited were sponsoring the annual DismalWeatherSoWeStayInside Day event at the Olive St. Park. There was a Cheerio Buffet and Apple Juice for all. Beauty and the Beast were on stage beckoning us to be their guests. They even had a Caged LucyFur for the children to see, brought straight from the Bavarian wilds. The best part is that it was free!
But not free of destruction...
The Event Bells Rang at 10am, as was planned and the Giant Kitchen Chairs were placed in four Strategic Locations. A surprise fifth chair, a small wooden rocker, was also brought in to the applause of the crowd. After the chairs were secured, the Blankie was unloaded from the back of a large trailer. This year it was Green with White Patches.
Marvelous.
The draping of the Blankie was quick enough and when finished, it covered the whole of the landscape. All in attendance were shaded by its majesty. A peaceful occasion to say the least.
Somewhere in the crowd a comment was made.
"The Blankie, it shakes...Look!"
Sure enough, the Blankie was indeed shaking.
As was the ground...But Why?
The Answer came quickly enough...the shadow of destruction slowly came into view...The EmmyNaut had returned...
The Scion of Chaos, the Beast from the Mid-West, the Terror that Giggles.
She has many Names:
The EmmyDozer
SnoopAloop
Scoobatron 5000
EmmyHontas
She stood, tall and terrifying...Her Pink Glow in the Dark Skeleton PJ's stained with the remains of her Breakfast. A deep breath and a bellowing "ROAR" were enough to shock the scared townsfolk back into reality..
They fled as she charged...
Straight through. Without Stopping.
The Blankie was down, as were the chairs.
All that could be heard was the taunt of the Beast - "I'm Unstoppable!" she yelled!
Attempts were made to raise the chairs and rebuild the fort but they were thwarted each and every time...
After freeing the LucyFur and then turning her into a Makeshift Mount the beast bounded away yelling "Ponies!".
Reports have come in stating that she now sits on a couch, holding a play Microphone while pondering her next act of senseless violence...and watching Pocahontas...
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